Open letter to book readers (or How gaming should be respected more by book readers)

 Dear Book Readers

Originally I was going to write this nice lil' article to vent my frustrations on how you bookworms believe your medium is superior to all other. But instead I have decided to showcase my own superiority , not just over you but over the majority of the human population, by proving to you that our mediums and our groups should not be in the conflict they are but they should be allies. So let me drop the fancy words which you know I don't use and let's get right to it.

For starters our biggest strength is the biggest weakness the movies, the third big medium , has. Time. I have already discussed that. A movie usually has to be 2 and a half hours long. So when you take an 8-hours experience and try to cram it in such a small space you miss out. Let's look at my sister for proof. My sister's greatest grievance about the Harry Potter movies is Peeves. For those of you who have not read the books Peeves is kind of a prankster ghost that goes around Hogwarts and ruins stuff. Why is he important? World building mostly, as well as comic relief at certain scenes that could be considered awkward from a teenager's perspective, like asking someone you don't really like on a date just so you aren't alone at the party.He is a really minor character, but very loved, especially over the Internet. When the Scissor Time came thought , he was sacrificed as he was not historically important. And it makes sense really. If they kept every little detail in ,8 movies would not be enough to go thought the first book. However  there are times when Scissor Time gets out of control, like the sixth movie. My personal least favorite as they practically took out the titular mystery, the identity of the Half Blood Prince. Also Ron's scars, losing the scar trifecta of the Golden Trio, but it is sorta OK as Book 7 came after Movie 5.

Hue Hue Hue indeed!

Now let's look at the superior (sorry, bad habit) medium that is gaming.Above I mentioned that a book can be an 8-hour experience. That number is not completely random as it was the time my sister took to finish an 500-page book( both figures are approximations). And if we look at the average length of most new video games we see that most story-focused games tend to be around 10-12 hours( with open world ones going to around 16 for the main story). So we are talking about an experience that becomes longer, not shorter.This is why it is so hard to adapt 2 hour long movies to games,especially if your movie is called Iron Man 2. This mostly comes to the gameplay part of the game really. You see, gaming has all the positives of a visual medium ,like cinema, without most of the restrictions. We get to show environments and people instead of having to explain every single detail of them ( we are in book 5 Jo ,I know how McGonagall looks like) so we save time on those. Additionally , like in movies , the story in games does begin in a sort-of book form, which you may know better as "script". However when gameplay is added to the mix things take time.

This is where we must look at the Sauron sized difference  that has been glaring us like we have the One Ring.Interactivity. When you are reading a book or watching a movie you can't suddenly change the way the character on the screen solves the problem. If you did then you are likely playing some game of sorts. Designing a game means that you have to deal with a person who at the same time can  be too stupid to defeat a gnome or so smart that he is trying to break the rules of the universe. And while you could write " So Gandalf used this magic spell and totally owned that guy", during gameplay you have successfully made a wonderful faux pas. Firstly, Gandalf today might choose to beat the guy with a stick instead of that magic spell. Secondly, if Gandalf totally owned that guy, as well as any other guy, so quickly, you are left with an angry gamer screaming that your 60$ game was too easy. A game's difficulty should also go like a crescendo, so naturally obstacles should take more and more time to deal with.So naturally, if you are adapting a book to a game, you are unwillingly increasing the length of the experience.

There is however one more problem caused by interactivity. The existence of challenge. A game is meant to challenge you in some way. It puts objects in your way. Not just the main character's. It tests you. What is stopping you from finishing a movie or a book? Besides of course not liking it or being illiterate( in which case I need you to tell me how you got this long in my article),nothing. Sure I am having trouble reading Sherlock Holmes, but only because Doyle's English are a tiny bit absolutely too advanced for me. There are no dragons stopping my quest to finish the book. Where as in many games, there are in fact dragons between me and the conclusion of the story. However even today that is not even that great a problem. If you are stumped there are countless of people online very willing to give you tips or even the solution to your problem. And should you wish to completely bypass the interactivity all together there are many people on YouTube that play thought a game for your enjoyment, with or without commentary( like Darthleon13 shameless plug).

And should you need the final proof that gaming and book reading should be together like ,uuum, a very romantic metaphor with two people, then I present to you the hands down best interaction of our worlds. The first two Harry Potter games. Unlike many of the later games based on the franchise they don't follow the movies, but the books instead. Very closely too. You get pretty much everything that happened during the story, from Quidditch and a boss fight with Peeves ( rejoice sister) to the Potion Puzzle and the fight with holo-Tom Riddle.But the games are open world and there are a lot of side things to do. You also get the incentives of the house point system, so going and finishing classes will net you some new tools as well as points , while failing at missions or being caught out at night loses you points. The game goes as far as changing the ending if you screw up too much, so Gryffindor doesn't get the Trophy. Heck, if you love Quidditch so much there is a game that is just Quidditch, going from Hogwarts cup to World cup. And all these games are amazing.

So, the next time you are disappointed that your favorite scene was skipped at the movie, that your favorite character from Maze Runner had his origin story altered or that the deaths of all those children were glossed over at Hunger Games remember this. All that could be changed if you stopped reading for once in your stupid life and turned on a console for a change. Bloody nerds.

Yours truly,

a bigger nerd.

P.S.: Gaming industry, there has been almost 4 years since the Hunger Games movie and no Hunger Games MMO? Get your shit together game developers.

Why can't I hold all these Sherlocks

Yes it's another Sherlock article , with a vengeance. Basically I am writing this with a small hurry as I want to not have to write about the cool looking Christmas special in the same article as Mr Holmes. This might actually be the best time to be a Sherlockian. You know, besides the time when Doyle was actually writing new stories.

Firstly I would like to offer a half apology. In my last article I was called out by Metax when I said that the Elementary Sherlock was the least Sherlock-like Sherlock that Sherlocked in the (w)Holmes world. During Season 2,which I have partially watched, he becomes more serious indeed. He does become more classic . However I still stand by my opinion that he is my least favorite Sherlock, as I still find him a little too punky, for lack of a better term. He is just not my cup of tea. Furthermore,one more nitpick is the fact that they make his a little less misanthrope as part of his character development. He still is suspicious of everyone and everything, and he  is still strange, but he starts to shift a little. I can't really explain it as it is very subtle , but my best effort would be that he is becoming the Sherlock Watson wrote about, not the Sherlock Doyle wrote about. This is minor thought and the show is still great.

On the other end of the spectrum, I now expect some sympathy from you, as I made a terrific sacrifice. I watched Opera Detective Milky Sherlock . In Japanese no less. Now here we have  the least Sherlock-like properties of anything Sherlock. Let's break the title bit by bit. Firstly this has nothing to do with Opera so that goes out the window. Secondly there was zero milk in that show,not even in fucking tea. Thirdly, Sherlock is the nickname of a girl who is not only unrelated to Sherlock , she is not even our main character or part of the main group. It's like if the main focus of Fullmetal Alchemist was Armstrong (which I would force the Darth family line to watch for generations) or if Dragonballs was about the ears of that cat that lives in that tower(that I would not watch). And lastly let's go to the least right word in the title. Detective. In that universe Detective is not a person that stealthily finds information about crimes and then solves them. No. Detective is a term given to little moe girls (moe is likely not the right term but I don't give a fuck) with magic powers in their eyes that dress up like a combination between a maid and a dress made entirely out of the material the hunting cap is made. These Detectives fight a group of criminals ,who also have eye powers, so colorful and stupid that even Team Rocket is making fun of them. With a plot full of ass-pulls and a plot twist more telegraphed than an attack from a big God of War boss, I was unable to enjoy that show. Now here is the thing thought. People on the internet actually quite liked it. So either I am an uneducated and uninitiated buffoon in the moe girl anime genre or people on the internet like shit. Either is possible when you watch Eye-Powered Misdressed Lolis (that sorta fight crimes I guess).

Next on the list of opinions people will hate me for , Sherlock Holmes Videogames. One of them to be exact. I  am quite proud to say that at the timing of writing my Sherlock Collection is missing just the newest game that came out this year. Earlier this year I tried to play the Silver Earring one with one of my sisters. Truth be told we had fun. We enjoyed the aged voice acting and we did a synchronized "dun dun duuuun" when Sherlock dropped the title. The thing is that the game involved finding items hidden behind things and all that point and click jazz, which I am horrendous at. I definitely enjoyed the part where I was Watson and I was trying to follow Sherlock's logic of what the freak is going on, and the game really does expect you to look over your clues . Smart design all around. I was however unable to continue the whole look for stuff charade. I am just shit at it.

Lastly , Mr Holmes.  If you go in expecting to see Holmes kick asses and solve crimes then you went for the wrong movie. We follow Sherlock very late in his life, forgetful and fragile. It revolves around him struggling to remember his final case, which he failed to solve, even thought Watson wrote otherwise. I got kinda angry when the movie started making Adler noises but thankfully I was wrong. Essentially we look at a very old Sherlock trying to solve two completely new mysteries, the mystery of his forgotten past and the mystery of why his favorite bees are dying. Both mundane sounding but they were handled very well. The main actor [name here] also looked like he was having fun, probably because he wasn't forced to act at a green room for a change. And yes if you look at Hobbits behind the scenes footage that is acting at , not in, a green screen room.

While writing this article I came to the realization that this whole Sherlock wave , with his many incarnations in different times and ages ,might be a fad born thanks to Robert Downey and kept alive thanks to Cumberbatch.  Eventually people will move over it and go to another subject that they can put incredibly attractive men on. But let's face it , Doyle's work is timeless and a lot of care has been put in many of those projects, giving us a nice way to initiate people in this wonderful world. Normal people will become Sherlocked and Sherlocked people will become Sherlockians. And eventually this is going to come back and we will get a chance to greet those people with our deerstalker hats. That Sherlock never  actually wore.

Darthleon's Small Subjects 4

Darthleon's Monthly Wrestling article

I had a tone of fun writing about Ultima Lucha. I had so much fun that I in fact greatly considered doing a monthly article about wrestling. And then I decided against it. Why? Because it has nothing to offer, I have no drive for it and perhaps I won't have the time for it." But Darth , you are so smart and handsome , why do you say that you of all people have nothing to offer?" , I hear you say. Well I mean I have nothing to offer. I can't do an informational article as there is a tone of sites doing that and better and I can't do satire as a bunch of people do that and I suck at comedy. But expect wrestling to pop up on small subjects every now and then as this is where I vent small problems. Speaking of which...

The theme of RAW

WWE has some nice music nowadays. Back in my day there was a team whose main theme was about how they love potatoes. Thankfully WWE re-understood that when a wrestler comes out he needs a nice theme to make us care. So they hired CFO$ who essentially has written any good song the newer wrestlers have along with the themes of the 3 big WWE shows. Yet people dislike the theme of RAW . The reason behind it is great. Are you sitting? The reason is because it is not a rock song. Now for my audience that thought "So what?" good job for having at least have half a brain. And since I can predict the future and I feel you thinking I am overreacting I would like to word for word  quote  my favorite comment about the theme:"All they need to do is replace the song.I hate that the RAW is some gay pop song.I feel it should be a rock and roll type song, like how they have been doing it for years". I hope you read it with the voice of your stupid metal-head friend that looks down on any other kind of music(don't pretend you don't have one). Truth be told it is the weakest of the 3 themes. But it is not bad by any means and it fits the show well. It is called "Tonight is the night" and the lyrics say that if you want to make it , well, tonight is the night to give it your best shot. Which is RAW in a nutshell. It is the biggest of the 3 shows and where the most plot happens. NXT is NXT and no one cares about Smackdown to the point that CM Punk was Jesus during it. WWE editing team has also done a great job with the imagery (I especially enjoy the Orgasming Fangirl) using the song to its full potential. Too bad WWE is using CFO$ like its wrestlers and gives the big projects to part timers and guests like Lovato while the people that essentially work for them everyday get a 30 second soundclip.

 The Stanley Fever Dream.

Yeah I know I am  late to this party but I really want to say my piece so here goes. I was told that the Stanley Parable is a great game and its has choices and stuff so I decided to know as little as possible until I got to play it. In case my 20 reviews of Heavy Rain hasn't tipped you off I like games with choices and I got excited that I would add another game in my list. But when I got on to Stanley Parable there was nothing there for me. For starters you don't get choices. You get 1 choice over and over again: Will you do as told this time? The little god like figure tells you something and you answer with yes or no. Over and over. And I guess it would be ok-ish if those choices affected the story in any way. My title actually refers what this game's story felt to me. You know how a fever dream goes. You see something ,then things happens with different levels of involvement from your side , then you sort of wake up and you are back to square one. You might  go through a bunch of rooms , you might fall from a cliff or you might see a minimalist allegory of what it feels like to be in a modern day family ( which btw makes me kinda concerned about the developer) but you will wake up and your brain presses ctrl-z and you are back in the office. Told to make the same choices again. Ooh well. Guess this game is not for me.

Minion Movie: It's your fault Internet.

This is why product creators should stop looking online for ideas. Movies like Minions do not work. They have never worked and never will work. The minions were comic relief.They were the butt end of the jokes and the initiators and victims of  almost all the slapstick. They were the background in a semi-comedic drama of a man trying to balance his peculiar job, his financial problems , his own need for success and fame ,and his new found fatherly love for these three little girls. The minions were there to bring relief from that for us and the characters themselves.  People loved them because they were funny, kinda cute and easy to redraw and re-invent to your liking leading to the mass production of memes and photos that plague facebook to this day. Which in turn lead Universal to think that what people wanted were more minions.  When in reality what people want is good movies for the kids to shut up for 2 hours so they can have sex . The parents , not the kids. 

Bow down to the League

Dear God. A positive article for League of Legends written by Leonidas? Friends , family , viewers and perhaps readers know that the games that I have no good things to say for are counted in the fingers of one's body,yet they include League. What is next,a positive article for Assassin's Creed? Well I am not completely out of my mind yet. You shouldn't read this article as praise, more like recognition of an impressive achievement from a person that broke a nice vase you had in your house.

Alright  let's get down to business. If you had an oligarchy in the MOBA genre , arguably one of the kings would be League. Dota 2 would be the son of the king that conquered the land and Awesomenauts would be the minor lord that lost an eye during a fight and can only see two dimensions. However League stands to have many a difference with his fellow lords. It is a free to participate game with minor tweaks from the original formula.

Why free to participate? Because you can partake in battles and you can buy characters with the ingame currency but it takes time. Essentially you are just participating with what the game gives you. Games like Dota 2 and Strife allow you to pick whichever character you want and only sell cosmetics. Things like skins , voice packs and accessories are the things that keep the game running without changing its balance . Where League changed the formula it simplified like removing the mid shops and tree destroying of the Dota map , as well as creep denying. Other MOBAs have also removed creep last hitting or last hitting in general to make the game more team oriented. Many MOBAs run even further going 2D (Awesomenauts) , third person behind the back (Smite) and even first person shooter (Battle Born)  and third person(Monday Night Combat) and don't even get me started on Heroes of the Storm.Meanwhile many MOBAs that follow the same business model as League have shut down their servers.

So how ,in the sea of unique and price friendly MOBAs, League is the King of MOBA Games while answering "D) None of the Above"? From where I am standing I can see only two reasons.

Firstly,it is competent on what it does. I can stand here spewing shit about how much I despise League and the community and all that, but I have to admit that I enjoyed my time in it up to the breaking point. It has a unique cartoony happy style that makes fighting very satisfying. You know that feeling when you scream Boom with every single Darius ulti. Or the "I can smell you" moment as Warwick. Or the kamikaze feeling when you ulti as Nunu in the mid of the enemy team solo.Or when that Poppy is hunting you and you go invis as Teemo in a bush the exact second she enters and she is standing next to you and any skill will kill you. All these little moments make the game very satisfying. And with friends victory or loss you had fun. These are the makings of an OK game. And with the second aforementioned reason OK was more than enough.

That second reason is a quality that truly comes with luck.  Time. The same reason why all these cool and unique MMOs come out and 3 months later the servers are empty, while WoW reigns supreme. People will go back to the game they spend the most time and money at. And League really had a lucky strike there. Think back, when League came out and consider its competition. You have the original DotA and HoN,neither of which was free(the DotA mod was free but Warcraft 3 wasn't). Furthermore both of those environments where hostile to newbies, to the point that I was kicked in my first DotA games in "Noob" servers. So all League needed to do was an OK game and open the gates to the noobs. That allowed League a fair amount of time to be the only competitor on the field. It had all the time it needed to grab a fanbase and improve the service it provided. And more and more people came in. The pressure to the other 2 big guys led the mod donations to twiddle and go to Valve for help or open the floodgates for everyone and then sorta give up to try from step one. League took its one chance and managed to change the play field as well as get the WoW effect on itself. For you see new MMOs and MOBAs will come along but people will return to the game they have spent the most time and money.

Oooh well, we can't all be concerned about our mental health. For what it's worth I had fun with it and I don't quite regret the experience. I hate to join the bandwagon, especially when the bandwagon has already reached West, but what made me give up was the toxic community that got me to a bad mood even during wins. Recently I had a nice talk with another Season 1 veteran who told me that it is unfair to say that these people act like that simply because they are inherently assholes, as something, most likely the pressure of the competition, lead them to  act in such a way over a game and a few minutes lost. Maybe he is right , maybe I could argue that I have gone through the same thing and acted nice. That I don't know. What I do know is that I am never going back there. *blows smoke as end credits roll*

Darthleon is excited for Ultima Lucha

Since I was a child I have been a on again-off again fan of wrestling. Well I say wrestling, what I mean I have only seen what WWE has been feeding me. Recently I have come back to it, but things are not the same as it were 2 years ago. The Reality era (or PG-13 era) is a far cry from  the Universe era. In those two years the two big belts became one, the streak died, CM Punk (my then favourite alive WWE superstar) left and HHH and Kane decided that the world of stock market is more interesting than the world where you beat people in front of a live audience. Not everything is worse of course as NXT kicks ass , Dean and Neville are a thing now and Vickie has stopped defiling the Guerrero name. Yet, with Battleground gone and with Summerslam having a negative temperature heat level at the time of writing it is perhaps time for me to mention the hypest event in wrestling at the moment : Lucha Underground's Ultima Lucha.

Firstly I would like to thank Dario Cueto for extending Ultima Lucha to two weeks. I was gonna write this article a week from now but no we  gotta have a spectacular 2 weeks event. Fucking asshole. Well the way I had this article planned was to explain what Ultima Lucha and Lucha Underground are and then go through the event's card. Sounds like a great plan, so strap in for a long article.  A long article where I will be forced to not us any acronyms cause they would be LU and UL and I will fuck up eventually.

What makes Lucha Underground so awesome? Well for starters it goes "Hey, Wrestling is fake so might as well go at 110%". The story goes as follows. Dario has found seven anchient Aztec medallions and he hired a bunch of people to fight over them . What do they do? Originally we thought that whoever owned the 7 dragonballs medallions would be given literal mortality. That was an awesome premise ; the supernatural element actually made the story more believable.However , in the last episode Mr Cueto explained what they do. The seven Chaos Emeralds medallions are part of a belt named the Gift of the Gods. The luchadors fight for ownership and once all seven lights medallions are in the belt a match for it is set with all the owners in it. The belt essentially works like the Money in the Bank contract. You can cash it in for a title shot for the Championship belt.  Unlike the MiTB thought you have to give a week's notice, you can't just cash it in whenever (Cueto explained that he likes to promote his matches and even made joke about it) and you have to defend the Gift of the Gods like a normal belt. Once the shot has been used the seven medallions are taken back and people can fight for them again. So now that the medallions are no longer magic the show is less fun right? OF COURSE FUCKING NOT! They changed the wrestling dynamic greatly with a very fun and creative way. And the medallion dynamic is still there so people will get to fight over them just as much, so everyone gets to be story important.

  But this is just one of things that make Lucha Underground. For starters ,High-flyers. I always liked  them cause they they are so cool . It's not like I dislike powerhouses. But high-flyers are so awesome. So as you can tell a roster of 90% awesome wrestling astronauts is really my cup of team. Sure there are some big guys, and to say the truth they are necessary and bring an awesome fight every time. Secondly,they embrace the fake. "Yeah darth you told us-" NO! You know how WWE on the one hand tryes to showcase nice believable normal characters that undergo personal change like every human and on the other hand it is showing us that cool Necromancer from the depths of hell who has died like 20 times and has an awkward Harley phase a while back? Well , Lucha Underground also has a Necromancer who is controlled by a magic stone and has some zombie guys as his minions, there is a guy that is a dragon, tiger people and Chavo Guerrero is a Mexican mafioso/gangster . Yeah sure it has some normal people. WHO FIGHT DRAGONS AND ZOMBIES FOR MAGIC MEDALLIONS! The setting also helps all this to be more believable. The arena is a temple, we are believers (and apparently we are allowed to partake in the rituals we see but you know, wrestling) and in the middle of the ring there is a mystical seal. Mill Muertes (the necromancer above) has , in hard matches, actually used the seal to recharge. The wrestlers themselves are of course amazing.Relentless violence and universe era WWE fans will recognise mistreated talents like Chavo Guerrero (who is also a producer of the show) , John Morrison (now Jonny Mundo) , Alberto del Rio ( now Alberto el Patron) and Ezekiel Jackson. Hernandez was apparently in WWE as well but I missed him. But the best part of Lucha Underground creative is that they treat the WHOLE roster like fighters. Luchadores and little people included. They get to fight normally for the coins, the gift of the god and the title. Because guess what, they are actual fighters, not just pretty models (thought to be fair they are pretty, even thought I am crushing over the one female who's face is hidden by a mask) and joke pets for joke tag teams. Lastly, they fucking know how to build up heat. For example, the last couple of weeks , with Ultima Lucha on the way,ALL matches where no-DQ and no Ring out. Not like fucking WWE who has lukewarm matches the fucking week of fucking Wrestlemania .

If I had to complain about something I would really have to nitpick. For example,every episode starts with our two announcers trying to explain the card while a small time band plays buttrock to a very excited crowd. Also, since this is a bilingual show , many crowd chants are in Spanish and I don't know what they are talking about. But the crowd is awesome, are always excited as heck, and they don't chant "We want Lana" in Rusev's most important match or scream "WHAT?" every time a heel dares speak. Oh and Lucha Underground should really invest in worse tables. Many a times the held up when they should break.

Now let's take a look at the card.

The Mack vs The Machine (aka Cage) Falls Count Anywhere

Eh. Clearly a warm-up match. These guys were sorta fighting last episode and they got out of hand so they got a match. They are among the biggest wrestlers in the company so yeah whatever. Who is gonna win? Don't know, don't care.

Johnny Mundo vs Alberto el Patron

Those guys were friends and a formidable  team till Mundo thew Alberto through a window. They broke up and Alberto was set for revenge. The match has a lot of heat on in, especially when you consider that Mundo and el Patron are the face and the heel of the same coin. Two incredibly talented technical wrestlers fighting for legacy. Who will win? Well I am on Mundo's side but I expect Alberto to win. There is nothing on the line on this match and in big events like this the face wins.

7 People Match with Bengala , King Cuerno, Sexy Star, Big Ryck,Jack Evans, Fenix and Aerostar for the Gift of the Gods

Woo boy.  I am on Sexy Star's side even thought I know her chances are slim. But who will win?Good question. Do they want to give it to a heel or a face? Big Ryck is the only one who got in without a fight and he is Cueto's man in the match. Chances are good. On the other hand Fenix won two matches for his entrance, one of which was a Battle Royal last week, after Cueto took his medallion for being out of fights because Mill Muertes rekt him. I do have the feeling he will get it. You will see why in a later prediction.

Texano vs Blue Demon jr

Members of two long feuding families, Texano and Blue Demon both consider themselves Mexico's main guy. Blue Demon however has been teased over and over on how he has been overtaken by Texano , mainly because he was out for a while. So he snapped and , with the help of Chavo's familia he attacked Texano behind his back. Who will win? That is a close one. I think Blue Demon, because he needs some heat now.

Son of Havoc, Ivelisse and Angélico (ch) vs the Disciples of Death for the Trios Championship

That match was scheduled last second cause they realized that the champs had none to fight. But the Disciples of Death? These are the zombies Mill Muertes controls and they don't even have names. Who will win? I mean, come on. The Disciples of Death? Can they even hold the belts? Are we sure they are the same guys every time? Yeah the champs win.

Drago vs Hernadez in a Believer's Backlash Match

Drago was the no.1 contender for the main belt but Katrina almost killed Cueto to get Mill Muertez a fight with him. But before the match Hernadez came and almost killed Drago with a leather belt around the neck. Drago fought the match but got rekt. So now the temple's believers are given leather straps and have the green light to hurt anyone out of the ring. But watch out, Hernadez might fight back. Who will win? Drago . Or no contest with Hernadez becoming a nice red stain by the ring. I would be happier with the latter result.

Vampiro vs Pentagon jr in a Cero Miedo match (Anything Goes)

Vampiro is an ex wrestler who is now on the commentary table along with Matt Striker. On the other hand Pentagon is a luchador who fights for a dark master that need a sacrifice to return. And that sacrifice is Vampiro. Vampiro was reluctant at first, which was a great contrast with Pentagon's gimmick of Zero Fear. But after Pentagon almost light him on fire, Vampiro decided to come out retirement for one final match. Who will win? I don't think they would bring Vampiro back for him to lose to a midcarder.

Prince Puma (ch) vs Mill Muertes for the Lucha Underground Championship

The big one boys. Prince Puma has gone thought a lot the last couple of weeks. He was almost destroyed by Chavo Guerrero and his familia in an unsanctioned match for the belt, hurt and beat by Mill Muertes and had his mentor kidnapped by the Disciples right in front of his eyes. Yet he is still willing to bring it against Mill Muertes, the man of 1000 deaths. Mill Muertes is a beast. He took out Fenix for a long time, destroyed Drago, rekt Son of Havoc and is pretty much the scariest wrestler in the roster. He is also riding a ton of heat to this match. So who will win? Mill Muertez. He already beat Puma once and he is ready enough to do it again. That is why I also feel that Fenix will take the Gift. They have history together and you have the classic face vs heel dynamic with Fenix needing just one moment of weakness. So get ready, cause in two weeks The Reign of Death begins.


CLEAR SPOILERS FROM HERE ON OUT!

Post 1st show update: Mack vs Cage kicked off the first day like a mofo. They were awesome and the crowd was ecstatic. Chairs,stop signs,tables.At a point Mack opened two beers ,drank a bit and did a stunner on Cage, clear Steve Austin reference. Cage took it after driving Mack's head through a cinder-block . They did an amazing job and the people are fucking standing.Which of course means that we have to be upset next. The trios championship changes hands. Team Havoc gave their best, but it was 4v2.5 for them, Ivelisse was hurt in the leg, something that D.o.D. tried to use. Ivelisse did not tap out which gave her partners the chance to destroy the Disciples(now we new masks btw). Katrina however got Ivelisse with the magic stone that controls the Disciples and they pinned her for the win.The night ends on a high note though.It's Believer's Backlash! Unsurprisingly the believers didn't touch Drago. Hernadez on the other side got destroyed. Believer were on him from minute 1. He had to deal with them, a super talented luchador, Drago's mist,tables, everything. At a point he had to go under the ring to escape the believers. That gave Drago time to get some nun-chucks which he used. 2 minutes later Drago flew from the corner for the win.

Post 2nd Show update: The night starts of with Mundo vs El Patron. Mundo uses anything he can to bring Alberto on his level, including dust under the ring. The match goes for a while and is a great match. Alberto does an armbar, Mundo escapes , Mundo his his finisher , Alberto kicks out. Then Alberto goes for his finisher but Mundo pulls the ref and the ref gets kicked. In a second Alberto goes for another armbar to which Mundo taps but the ref is out. Mundo escapes but Aberto catches him again and does an armbar while hanging from the ropes. Then Melina (from MNM in WWE) debuts in Lucha Underground and hits Alberto across the head with his AAA Mega champion belt, Mundo hits his finisher and he gets the pin from a groggy ref. Great match to start the night once again and the crowd is on fire. El Patron then gets up , throws Mundo  on some chairs and through a window and spanks an attacking Melina. This might be a double turn. Next is the Cero Miedo match, which actually made me kinda thankful for the PG era of WWE. Hey kids do you want to see a 50 year old retired man brutalized by a man in his prime? Well good. Vampiro walks in dressed like a zombie Pope...And then Pentagon almost kills him and they get a stretcher. Vampiro gets up and throws a bunch of thumbtacks and both wrestlers throw each other on them... Then Pentagon hits Vampiro with a mercury light bulb  and drinks some of Vampiro's blood... After Vampiro gets the momentum on his side he brings up a table and lights it on fire but he gets thrown through it and gets pinned. After the match he asks for his arm to be broken , to which Pentagon complies. And then Vampiro reveals that he is Pentagon's master. So yeah. The Gift of the Gods is up next. To avoid writing for the next 20 days Big Ryck starts throwing people around, everyone attacks him, people put an awesome show, The Moth interferes to attack Sexy Star but gets rekt, Daivari interferes to chair Big Ryck, Evans and Fenix have an awesome showing for 2 mins which results with Fenix pinning Evans for the Gift and Darthleon lets a sigh of relief because finally one of his predictions came true. Blue Demon Vs Texano follows, which is the softest match in the event as it is 5 minutes long. Texano dominates the match until Chavo's team ,who has been following Demon for a while, attack Texano. Chavo also comes  in with a chair, but instead of attacking Demon with which he had a feud for a while, he attacks Texano and gives the chair to Demon. Demon attacks Texano some more and gets the pin. Easily the weakest match in the whole event.And last but most certainly not least, The Lucha Underground Championship match. A wonderful match spanning almost 30 minutes. It was amazeballs that is all I can say. At a point Puma almost hits Katrina but apologizes and then uses Katrina as a weapon against Muertes. After a long fight Puma hits his finisher and Muertes kicks out, and Muertes hits his finisher and Puma kicks out, things that happened for the first time. Muertes spears Puma through a table but Puma tries to hit his finisher one more time. Muertes however is fast enough and hits his from the top rope for the win. The Age of Death has begun. After the credits we she a small sample of what is coming to our luchadors , with the main theme of them , including Cueto, escaping the temple.

How to fix Sonic 06

 Kids,come along,sit by the fire and hear a story. There once was a strange hero called Sonic. He was a mutated blue hedgehog that was really cool, had an attitude and was the fastest thing alive ( he was the fastest thing alive,he was the fastest thing alive). He had many games and a couple cartoons. Some of them were good,some of them bad,but none of them was undeniably bad(except for Sonic R that shit was shit). But then the alien tribe known solely as SEGA changed that for once and for all.

 Sonic 06 started promising and was going to showcase the 7th gen of consoles. But what started like a promising demo reel ended up as a prophecy of Ubisoft. Graphics were going lower and lower, the artistic style was  all over the place and a very strange feeling that things were taking a direction we were not ready for. And Sega wasn't ready for it either. In a frantic effort to make the 15th anniversary of Sonic the game came out too early. The result was SHIT. Gameplay was all over the place and buggy as hell, animation was shit and inconsistent, and the story. GOD the story. So you know how when you put it down on paper Sonic is very much like Dragon Ball. You know the seven thingies, Knuckles is Picollo, Shadow is Vegetta etc. Well 06 is the Android/Cell saga, but, you know,shit. So we have a story with a ton of plot holes thanks to our favorite Random Hole Generator, time travel, as well as the fact that the story is shit by itself. But you can see the good ideas in the game. You can see what they tried to give us , but the game needed more time in the oven. Like 2-3 years of time. And some writers that weren't 7 years old and high on all the drugs.

 The story would be the quickest to solve as the ideas here are not completelly bad. The biggest fix is take out 80% of the time travelling . You can't trust this plot point. If BBC is fucking it up for 52 years, I can't trust Sega in their first go ( surprisingly their second go was much better). Now only Silver can time travel, and only to his timeline and Sonic's present. Yeah , he is Trunks. I know. But it is just gonna be better at this point if we keep it to explored territory.  The story starts the same. Mephilis tricks Silver and Blaze that Sonic fucked their timeline, so they goes back in time to stop him from  doing it with his Chaos Emeralds. At this point you explain that time travel is not too exact in locations and time. Why? Convenience for later. So while he is traveling , the Festival is happening,Elise is kidnapped,Sonic(with Tails and Knuckles) is going after her.  That is Sonic's main plot. Trying to save Elise. We are seeing his story from both his perspective and Elise's. As Eggman is trying to learn more about the Flames of Disaster he conducts test on Elise. Those tests put great pressure on the princess , who accidentally uses the powers of Iblis that is inside her. Sonic does not immediately save Elise this time around. He only saves her once, at a point where Eggman is paying attention to something else. That something else? Shadow. Like in the 06 he(along with Rouge) is trying to steal the Staff of Darkness from Eggman. And after getting a couple of clues he makes it. So we have a stand off. Shadow has the Staff, Eggman has Elise and wants the Staff, and Sonic wants Elise. In his effort to get the Staff he breaks it and freaks out,leaving Elise behind as he escapes. Mephilis is out, so Sonic takes Elise while Shadow stays to fight. He "wins" and Mephilis escapes, so Shadow goes to get info about Mephilis and all that. Eggman is hunting Sonic and Elise to get her back. In this time these two get the time to connect and she learns to use her power more. But in comes Silver, not in the town this time  but in the Jungle. He tries to wreck Sonic's ass but he is taken down by him and Elise, while Blaze is looking as she doesn't want to kill anyone. After some hunting Silver catches Sonic again in the Trainyard, but this time Shadow is in his way. We have the best scene in the game and Shadow tells Silver what happened in the past, with Iblis being locked in Elise and Mephilis being evil. Ohh and this time it was Elise's dad that made it all by himself. No time traveling Hedgehogs. You may notice that the new story is pretty much the same. Well now we get to the big differences.

 Silver goes to his timeline. Having learned what up as well as seeing some of Shadow's tricks he defeats Mephilis. He also traps Iblis inside Blaze this time, like in 06,but doesn't die. Sonic reaches Soleanna with Elise but as they are saying their goodbye BAM! Mephilis appears. And  he kills Sonic. Not in a cutscene. A fight is going on in game and it is impossible to win.  Sonic Dies. There is blood on his face, my God there is blood everywhere. Roll credits. Shadow's story: he reaches the fight but he is too late,Sonic is dead,roll credits. Silver's story: after imprisoning Iblis he tries to go back but time travel is finicky, he gets in too late, Sonic is dead, roll credits. "Good job, player. Now that you finished all the stories here is the final episode". Now you open with Sonic fighting Mephilis and losing . Shadow can't help, Silver can't help, the Sonic Friends can't help. As he is going down Elise is the first to reach him. He says something to her and leaves his "last breath". This is the final hit that breaks Elise(also NO KISS!!!11!). Iblis is free and Mephilis gets this timeline's Chaos Emeralds and Iblis so they can fuse. But Silver has his Emeralds. So he , the Sonic Friends (Tails, Knuckles.Blaze and  Rouge), Shadow AND Eggman take one each and give some life force to Sonic . Lo and behold, Sonic is not only alive but Super Sonic. He shares some power with the other two hedgehogs and together they wreck Mephilis this time. But he escapes again with everything he has. One stage later where all the hedgehogs are playable, Iblis and Mephilis fuse and we have the ultimate boss fight. And the good guys win. Iblis and Mephilis are separated, with Iblis returning to Elise while Mephilis disintegrates. So everyone goes back to their lifes and Elise is the best queen this world has ever seen. Much better, huh?

 Gameplay wise the changes are generally small. You make each hedgehog different gameplay wise, each to his own personal skills. Sonic has speed, Silver his telekinesis and Shadow gets Chaos Control.   Silver's gameplay was actually kinda good so we mostly polish things up. More Telekinesis puzzles , less telekinesis combat and less ball rolling. Sonic has almost zero combat and the gameplay is very much like Sonic Colors, minus the alien thingies. Shadow undergoes the most changes. He is more combat oriented and has Chaos Control.  This allows some minor time manipulation that allows a fight or flight style. He gets many opponents but he is not locked down in small arenas like God of War or Sonic boom . Killing enemies recharges Chaos Control faster, but considering the Sonic Way of keeping HP (i.e. the rings system) harder enemies are better left alone as you can only take 2-3 hits. And NO vehicles. Especially hovercrafts. Shadow is faster than Sonic, he can run on water and soil better than any vehicle. In the 2 boss fights and 1 stage where all Hedgehogs are playable, the player can change between them and is going to be forced to. In the stage some parts should be only able with one specific Hedgehog, while other parts require a combo. The bosses have attacks that "stop" one or two hedgehogs so the others need to come in and save the other. Furthermore , the bosses defend themselves in ways that combos are required. For examble Sonic and Shadow use their speed and time manipulation to allow Silver to throw something big. Or while Silver keeps the boss still from afar Shadow roundhouse kicks him. The boss, not Silver. That would be funny, but counterproductive.

 Yeah ,I know I just wrote a Sonic  fanfiction that shows how cool my fav characters can be in my head space. But my fanfiction is superior because, uuum, it involves a game and I am a person that tries to be a game developer and/or critic. And it doesn't involve hedgehog penises inserting some kind of orifice. So I think that is a big plus. And so is this:

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Movie Adapations: Anothe puzzle solved by Proffesor Layton

Movie adaptations. Two words that make video game and anime fans cry a bit inside. Comics have it great nowadays what with all those Avengers and Guardians of the Galaxy and (hopefully) Supermans VS Batmans , but what do gamers get? Phoenix Wrights and Needs for Speed, which was too little Speed and too many "Needs" if you catch my drift. Yet there is one gentleman who leads with his example: Profesor Hershel Layton.

The people behind the movie Professor Layton and The Eternal Diva did a bunch of things so right , yet other creator seem to lack that logic. They understood the characters and their old media and transitioned them almost flawlessly to the bigger screen. For starters they understood the great difference between the two formats, time. A normal movie lasts 2 and a half hours on average. When someone makes a 2 and a half hours long game we cry murder! On the other hand the first and shortest Layton game took me 12 to finish the first time around. 12 hours of movie time is not a movie, it's a series! So what the creator of Eternal Diva should be talked about for generations.

[Don't worry for spoilers. This article will only have one, with names hidden and the movie gives it away 15 minutes in.]

For starters, don't bother with an origin story. Just  don't. Why? Because fans already know and newcomers don't care. You know how Eternal Diva starts?  It starts with Luke saying "I'm Luke, I can speak to animals, he is Layton , archeologists, puzzle fanatic and professional gentleman, we are from a game and have been in many adventures but this is one of Layton's earliest ones." BOOM! Start of the movie. Everyone is on board, we know who each person is and what he does, and heck if you don't believe the intro Layton solves a mystery in the first 3 minutes of the movie just to prove dis shiet. Other movies take 20 minutes just to let us know who we are looking at. Uncle Bens and Granpa Gohans,please go die somewhere else. Or in the first 5 minutes. There is a movie we need to get going.

Next on the list is the story. Make something new. I know this is an adaptation,but seriously offer something new to the viewers. Sure,newcomers will be surprised when Von Karma turns out to be evil, but we already know( though newcomers will also guess it as Von Karma has the only actor that gives two shits). Eternal Diva does this amazingly, giving a new yet cannon (I think) story. Cannon is not even necesary. The Prince of Persia did this great as well , where only the Prince and the macguffin made the transition to movie, and everything else was new. Note however that just because you brought something new doesn't mean you don't get to try. Speak with the Super Mario bros for clarification (MONKEY!).

Another important point is the villain. If you are bringing a new villain to the table sure ,he needs his time. But don't waste too much time on setting up the villain,new or old. Truth be told ,while Layton didn't take too much time , he kinda fumbles a bit. The villain is from a previous game, but when Layton meets him he is surprised and all like "It's [him] !". Of course it's him, we have been seeing his modus operatti from the begining. However he has a new motive,and essentially is the thing everyone is looking for, so 0 time to set that up. 

And lastly , respect the source material. This might sound contradictory to my "New thing"point but it isn't. You know how Eternal Diva  respected the source material by presenting a nice mystery with the same sci-fi undertones of the games . AND as a nice wink to the fans, the villain brought a projector showing "Puzzle 001" and a gramophone playing the puzzle background music (kinda breaking the 4th wall but at least it is NOT Stan Lee going to Reed and Sue's wedding) . On the other hand the Phoenix Wright movie has Phoenix being almost ready to cry ( or pass a kidney stone,the acting is kinda shit) at every minor digficulty. Sure,we know that that is true in the games, but we do as the player. He never shows it . He always looks confident  as he bullshits about how uneaten steaks mean murder. In the movie he begs and begs for the answer while throwing evidence left and right. He doesn't even smile when things go back, the ONE advice he has from Mia.

So in case you are wondering I really like Eternal Diva. I know you are smart people and have gathered  that, I just don't know how to epilogue this article. I suppose that if  this was on YouTube I would make a stupid  joke and my outro music would fade in. So imagine I did that while Dark Pit's theme plays.

TMNT (2012) Story telling and character traits

So since something big happened to me recently concerning gaming to a deep personal level I decided I want to not write my big subject for a while. Instead let's speak good words for something else I like. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The newest series of course the one running on Nick

.

Basically I am going to praise something this series does very well, character traits. But wait, I can hear you say, aren't the character traits basically the same as every other tmnt ever? Well on the surface,yes , their main traits are the ones on the ads and the (very good) opening song. Leo is the leader,his main concern being to get through the mission. Raph is the strongest ,fuel by his rage. Don is the smartest, building machines and  getting excited over a centrifuge. And Mikey is the party dude, a happy go lucky person,but lacking in abilities. However through great and, more importantly ,consistent storytelling it appears that they are much deeper than that.

Alright before we continue, SEVERE SPOILERS UP TO 2ND SEASON FINALE.You have been warned. Let's start with Leo. For starters he is a huge nerd, in a "one of us" kind of way. He watches an animated version of something like Star Trek and kinda Power Rangers almost religiously, has first edition comics in plastic bags and he cracks one liners against his enemies,to the despair of his brothers. And the supposedly nerdy Don has shown no interest to such things,only caring once, when the story talked to him and picked him up. Leo is also the one that works the best by himself, something you would expect to be a thing Raph did. But no, Leo's solo feats are the most impressive , defeating monsters that kicked the whole team's ass, a bunch of Footbots when they mattered, and an even bigger bunch of them AND Shredder's best men (while the entire team had trouble with them separated) before Shredder himself took him down.

In fact Raph is the one that needs his brothers the most, as his only solo feat was to beat Slash. In fact he usually loses alone, the most embarashing of these losses being against Cassey Jones, a random kid that only fought bullies and small criminals , while Raph is A TRAINED NINJA! On the other hand, Raph is shown to be the most emotional. Not just anger, but every emotion. He is always the saddest, he freaks out the hardest( even thought Mikey tends to be afraid more often) and he is the only one that we have seen to stop and think about his emotions , besides Donnie and his crush with April. Raph is also the one that shares the deepest bond with one of his brothers, and that brother is Mikey. Thought one might assume the opposite as they are always fighting , Mikey is always the first one to stop him, to hug him, to support him , anything.

While we are on Mikey, he is the most surprising one. He is the most creative, thinking catchy names for his opponents. He might also be the one with the most potential as his feats are second only to Leo's. He was shown fending for himself and a downed Raph without even looking at his opponents, held against several enemies including Razhar,a boss kinda character, even thought he could die at any second from some sickness, held against mind control much longer than his brothers to make an antidote to save them and even managed to not only survive but learn the ins and outs of another dimension by staying in it for only a couple of weeks, taking down giant monsters in the process. All those feats are way out of character for Mikey, but they all had one thing in common: Mikey was in full focus. When he focuses he is amazing, to the point that one wonders what would happen if he focused all the time. He might have been better than any of his bros.

Lastly Don. He is the one with the least of those hidden traits as most of his actions revolve around either sciencing something or being in love with April. Sad really. But , probably as a byproduct of his intelligence , he is extremely flexible. He was the first one to find a makeshift weapon when Splinter took them from the turtles, and the only one to defeat a psychic enemy by thinking a way around it, by not thinking his moves. He is the only one willing to think up new weapons or upgrade his old ones. 

So how are all those traits given to us?  They are shown to us consistently. These traits are always present  , even being the main subject of the episode. And we are let to discover those traits without the characters themselves point them out to us, as we don't need it. How could such story telling be given to us throught a game thought. Well through the story is one way. But ,depending on the genre, these infos can be given through game play. The most interesting and perhaps easier genre would be an RPG. Let's imagine a classic RPG party with the turtles as its members. Now let's say that Leo is a support character that helps the others strategically through buffs, but when they are out he gets buffed, being faster and stronger, even moving more per round. Raph could have a rage meter, that goes up as he is hurt , making him a risk-reward character, but if he is alone that is locked away from him,making him almost helpless. Mikey could be a chaos oriented character, more luck less strategy, tons of criticals and random buffs. And Donnie's abilities would be build related ones, being able to swicth equipment in the middle of the battle, drastically changing his role. None of those things would need to be told directly to the player. The player would find these throught experimentation. And of course strategizing with them in mind. Try to keep Leo alive, ensure that Raph is never alone, change Donnie to a healer or tank to avoid the last situation , get happy by Mikey's criticals etc. 

Having such a  would allow the player to verify what he was told,that Leo is the leader,that Raph is always angry,that Mikey is the most unreliable, and give deeper character traits open to interpratation, like Donnie is flexible, Mikey can be good when he wants to.We really could learn a lot from other forms of media, especially the good ones.

Darthleon's Small Subjects 3

Sonic Boom animated dropped article

Yes, Sonic Boom again. It's not often that two words fuck up so many plans. During my Sonic Battle LP I mentioned that I wanted to do more stuff with Sonic , and one of them was already being planned and to go to another channel. That was going to be a review sorta thingy of each episode of Sonic Boom. Guess what. I hated the series. I was hoping it would be fun and cool but no. And then I wanted to do an article about it instead of the MH one , but it took an angry turn. Basicly I was going to say that while it got some amazing jokes every now and then and I love the new Amy and her dress, the stupid Knuckles and stupider plots killed my interest. Seriously , Eggman living with Sonic is a horrible idea and I am pretty sure at least 10 fanfiction writers did a better job with it, maybe even without sex. But my biggest complain came from how they animated this shit, and for that we need another paragraph so...

The poor animation of Sonic Boom

What is the one thing Sonic is known for? His speed. The previous animated series , bad or good, made that clear. Zooming,dodging and spinning , even breaking the sound barrier on the first episode of Sonic X . In Boom speed is an undertone and the reason is the animation style. 3D animation comes with the need to be accurate about movement.  That makes the spin  and run feel... akward. There is this strange detail that makes things feel fast and slow at the same time. That is an inherit problem with the animation style in my opinion. That is why anime feels so good in 2d. The one show that actually got speed in 3d is the newest TMNT series. And that show cheats a bit every now and then too, having nicely hidden 2d in their sequences of action . The way they do it is by having simple movements during action scenes making that speed come across less clunky. A sword moving fast is a sword moving fast, whether it is 2d, 3d or live action. Moving throught the air while spinning and attacking a huge robot ? Eh, not so much.

The evilest of plans( part 2)

  I know that when I snap and become a crazed murderer I know my exact  modus operandi. My victims are going to be exclusivelly old ladies. Not the frail ones, the ones that get tired just by getting of their chair. Those ladies are so sweet and nice and always call me handsome for some reason. No, the ones that will get it are those that think are so important just by living longer than I have. You know the ones. Those monsters that they think they deserve to go ahead of you on queues , or that I should at all times know who is standing in public transportations. JUST FUCKING ASK FOR THE SEAT INSTEAD OF PRESENTING YOUR ESSAY ON WHY YOU HATE YOUTH. As you probably guessed I will find those ladies on busses and subways. And my method of killing them  will be something that I wanted to do for ever: I will kick them of the busses or subways Leonidas style. I can see the newspapers already. "Eldery Kicker Still At Large" . Ladies that fuck up queues shall be sent at the end of the line, again with a swift kick.

Kanye Quest

So Kanye West  is making a video game. Good. What? Did you expect me to shit all over the project? Nope. For starters , I am on the camp that believes that the only thing Kanye has done wrong in his life is naming his daughter North. Sure he is a bit of an asshole, but he is a rapper.  Bit of an asshole comes with the job. Secondly the  game is about his deceased mother going to heaven. Even if it turns out shit, the reason is noble enough to get at  least a "you tried" star. He does it for the sake of his mother and himself, while trying a new form of artistic expression. Better than some companies that release their games unfinished games or put a million microtrasactions. Good luck Kanye. Hope the game turns out well.

Monster Hunter Gush Over Article

In an effort to make a stupid and lighthearted article I decided to write about Monster Hunter. This comes at a time when Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate is very close so I guess you could say I am being relevant, as if that was ever important for me. Truth be told I wanted to have a weekly article series here called Monster Hunter Mondays but I decided against it because I am too lazy and I also can't afford MH4U cause I bought a new PC.  So instead we are doing this.

Full disclosure since I leave in Greece and I am the only greek that plays MH ( probably not but it feels that way) I am a solo hunter , and MH4U will be my first time playing with other people but I still love MH. However many people do not see the appeal of it, leaving the game before even ranking up once. Why? Because the begining is too boring. It's true. MH, like Regigigas , has a slow start. Before hunting all the cool monsters from the trailer it expects you  to pick up herbs, eggs and fish, and fight  small Jagis and Jagia and you eventually graduate to stuff like the Rathians and the Lagiacruses ( Lagiacri ? ) . That might sound logical but it takes a ton of time. Imagine if you were playing Pokemon but for the first 3 hours you were only allowed to fight Ratattas , or if you had to mine tons of stone in Minecraft before finding diamonds( ...wait) . But when you reach the start point it's just boss fights: Deadly pufferfish, dragons and rock dinosaurs with exploding punches one after the other. And the things you were forced to collect  are now  necessary potions , money and bullets( yes fish are used in bullets I'm dead serious). That's Monster Hunter.

Some people have also been turned off by the dificulty of the game. To those cowards I would like to like to say this: Man up or go play Cooking Mama! ( Unless you are female so in which  case: Woman up or go play Mario's Cement Factory). There are two big rules in Monster Hunter. Rule 1: Never leave unprepared. A good hunter is will fight the Qurupeco the the quest says, but a GREAT hunter is prepared to get rid , or even kill , the even stronger Rathian . That very same hunter is also prepared to capture, because the  hunt may go for too long, and of course has about 10 different variations of their main weapon. Rule 2:  Be ready to give up. Giving up is not the same as failing. When you fail , you lose your crap. When you give up you keep your crap . And of course you now have very valuable information on what the heck you are fighting. Of course you may have trouble. Zinogre is fucking fast, Rathalos is crazy when he is angry and Gobul, oh my God Gobul...that smile...that light...those spikes.... NO DON'T PARALYZE ME! I AM SORRY I DID'T MEAN TO HIT YOU! NOOOOOO. Ahem. Sorry , this happens sometimes. Traumatic flashbacks aside, that is where inexperienced hunters fail. They are either unprepared to hunt properly and to stuborn to go home.

"But Darthleon", I hear some of you say" I already like Monster Hunter. I know that shit." Well fellow hunter  , then you also know how satisfying hunting is. So for the rest of this article I am just going to write experiences I had with Monster Hunter. Ready? Go.  Once I was asked to hunt the most basic of monsters, Popos, and I am like sure whatever. But , half way through the hunt a Tigrex , a monster way out of my league, comes  and starts eating the Popos and attacking me. True horror. Another time I had to kill this sand shark, and before the hunt I was told  that those creatures hate loud sound and they make them surface. Conviniently, there were some sonic bombs in a box at the camp. I equip them and in an amazing display of skill I get the monster on my first try. It came out... and it was FUCKING PISSED.  It was like someone played a prank on me.  On a diferent mission I was to hunt a Duramboros, a sturdy motherfucker. Five minutes before time-up my paintball runs out and the monster limbs away(for non-hunters this means the monster is ready for capture, something that requires more preparation and care but at the same time  give more rewards)  and then burrows to get away. So I am running like a mad man around looking  for it and find it sleeping. So I set a trap next to it and it just gets caught . No celebration, no waking up,just quest  clear. Another hunt went the exact opposite way. I go to hunt a Rathalos on my Rank and on the first hit I make the damage calculator bugs up and the Rathalos straight up dies. Blam , on the ground , ready for carving.  And for my last story, some else's misfortune. At a place where they sell videogames Metax and I found a WiiU with the MH3U demo. Another guy was ahead of us, and in his infinite wisdom desided to go for the hard hunt, which was a Plesioth. A Plesioth basicly is a shark with thelgs that shoots water lasers , and is one of the hardest monsters in the game for one  reason:  Geometry.  Such a complicated monster is apparently too much for Capcom, because Plesioth's hitbox is always fucked up. Good luck avoiding this shit as a semi-experienced hunter, let alone a noob. Poor sod was falling left and right, getting more and more frustrated. But the moment I loved the most was when Plesioth used the  aformentioned water laser. His face dropped and he just left.

Well enough  fanboyism for one article, don't you think? Let's just all be thankful for Monster Hunter 4U and let the Monsters of the earth and air fear us. Not those of the water thought. There is no underwater hunting in 4U.

Kingdom Hearts 3: Expectations, predictions and general stupidity

 So now that we have 2015 I decided hey let's have my first important article be in the spirit  of my first important article and since I wrote I was going to write the article you are reading right now, I thought it was a good idea , but now I have made a huge run on sentence for no reason whatsoever without saying anything important and should probably stop. Before we begin let me be crystal clear: HOLY SHIT FUCKING MAJOR SPOILERS ABOUT EVERY FUCKING KINGDOM HEARTS GAME, MANGA,SONG, KH AMV ON YOUTUBE AND  FANFIC IN THIS AND EVERY PARALEL UNIVERSE WHERE KINGDOM HEARTS IS AVAILABLE. Cool? Cool, let's begin.

 Let's start with the most unimportant thing about Kingdom Hearts 3, it's multiplayer. Yes multiplayer.  It is entirelly possible that there will be no multiplayer on KH3 and I will be absolutely ok with it. However if they  are going  to do multiplayer I expect the very polished multiplayer from Days. I want a plethora of characters that are unique in their powers depending on the KH canon. I want the Seven Lights and the Thirteen Darknesses and Donald and Goofy and DiZ playable in an arena to fight to the death or clear a mission. I DO NOT want to bring Sora covered in some armor and be forced to fight against the kid in Japan  that has played this game for 3000 hours and has unlocked an ability that is unavoidable ,kills me and deletes my bios. Also, and let me be clear on this, if you are going to take development time out of your main team to have them develop the multiplayer is unacceptable, unless you are making Call of Duty( where the main team makes the multiplayer therefore should not make the main story).Every gamer would prefer to play a really polished singleplayer and no multiplayer, rather than an okay singleplayer and okay multiplayer , unless you are playing Call of Duty.

 Now, for maybe the most important thing about KH3, the possible Marvel and Star Wars worlds. Okay maybe not the most important. People are divided on this: Many thing that this would be a bad thing and screw up the story, other things that it would be a fun addition. I am on the second camp. I know we are going for a pretty serious story, but a couple of fun breaks will follow the Kingdom Hearts tradition. Marvel world is easier to make in my oppinion. I want a battle with Galactus alongside Micky, Wolverine and Spiderman. It needs to be Galactus really. I don't want to fight someone worthless like Dr.Doom. This NEEDS to be a HUGE fight! Star Wars will be harder to explain. This is a much stricter story. It depends on whether or not you want a sequel( will get into that later). You don't want to blow your load with episode six being your main story and be stuck with not new story later if you want it, and at the same time episode one won't allow for a possible prequel of the world.So my proposal: Star Wars Episode 3: Reveng of the Sith. Fine story,good final fight in the end. I do realize that including this world  would be a reach saying that the Heartless caused the fall of Skywalker and are behind the Dark Side , but really we had stupider things in this franchise. Actually what I suggest is go full balls to the wall with this story. Make Anakin one of the 13 darknesses. His eyes are yellow when he is evil(or succumbs to the Dark Side if you will), fitting the theme of the Xehanorts. And it will be FUCKING FUN!

 Alright serous talk now.  We get on the story. In kingdom hearts the story is 80% of the game.  What do I expect from KH3 story wise? Closure. Yeah I said it.  I want this saga to end. I certainly don't want this to be the final KH. This story needs to end. Not because it is stupid. I love it so far. But staying in the same story for too long is like having a huge run on sentence in your article. You get nowhere without saying much. The Xehanort story line is great but we have danced around it since Birth. Classic KH saga lasted one game and Organization 13 saga lasted 3. With KH3 the Xehanort saga will be on 4. We move away from it.  There are many good stories you can say from here.  But to explain this I must  talk about something else.

 The Seven Guardians of Light, because of course they are seven. I made this joke before twice already once on my last KH  article and once on my Sonic Battle  LP. The good guys must collect the seven Dragonballs/Chaos Emeralds/Dwarfs (wait what?) to win. Well here we are again: Xehanort will use his 13 clones ( because of course they are 13) or Darknesses to destroy the seven  Lights whether those are Seven keyblade wielders on the good side or the princesses of the heart. So who could this Seven Lights be? Obvious Lights are Sora, Riku , King Mickey,  Lea and Kairi. Semi-obvious choice is Aqua. She is stuck in the Realm of Darkness and in Kingdom Hearts if you haven't been in the Realm of Darkness you are almost not considered a main character.We are stuck with an empty spot. Mickey considers Ventus as accesible, but his soul(or heart or whatever) is stuck inside Sora, which does make him the most accesible of my theories. My second theory is that Roxas or Xion will come back. Lea was killed too  and came back , along with the rest of the Organization XIII. However with Roxas and Xion it's a little more complicated. Last and probably least possible of my theory, Yen Sid used to be a keyblade master. While improbable because he has retired ,he could just put his heart forward to reach the number and essentially sacrifice himself.  Of course they could come up with a new character but I highly doupt it.

 Some of you probably realized where I am going with this.I mentioned two types of people in need of some sort of saving( Aqua not really included). I would not hate it if you decided to make a saga just saving Ventus or saving Roxas and Xion ( but that would feel against  some of the things that Kingdom Hearts has preached). I know I would love a prequel set around Mickey during a time he wasn't that super keyblade badass. All those possible  stories are unconnected with the Xehanort saga. They are also don't sound as good as the possible story of KH3.  I would personally not mind KH3 be the last KH game, but I would love more games.

 What else I expect is  unimportant really. In my oppinion if those really do come back we may have the one of the best games ever. As in universal top 10s everywhere. Ok maybe I am exagerating. It's going to be cool thought. Very cool.

2014 Retrospective

 Its the end of 2014, so every Youtuber worth their salt makes top 10s and game awards videos for 2014.But since I only have 15 subs as of time of writing I just get to make this retrospective. Basicly   this is going to be a small subjects only about games and about stuff I didn't get to talk about or just look at what I have said this year. If I had to give this year a title I would say it was the year of suprises. I was suprised to leave behind Sega and Ubisoft, I didn't like the new Quantic Dreams game, found the new Call of Duty interesting and the best game I played this year was a Zelda game.

 Firstly let's start with some bad news. I no longer care about Sega. Yes that is coming like three months after I did an article about how cool Sega is I have to say that. Why am I saying that? You know why: Sonic Boom. I am the kind of guy that actually likes most of "Sonic friends" that people seem to dislike so much. And I am also the kind of guy that actually likes the unique Sonic games because they were an effort to give something good, it just was a bad idea with an okay execution. But with Sonic Boom we are looking at the same mistakes that we were looking at with Sonic 06. In an effort to hit some kind of date, Sega released two unfinised games.I thought we left that shit behind guys. I thought you learned your lesson.Apparently not. I am no longer willing to go through the motions. I was willing to get the 3DS Sonic Boom before the release and then I found out what happened. Sorry Sega but now I am on the other side of the river. If you do make a good game that I will back IT up but that is all.

 The company I am not sorry to leave behind is Ubisoft. You know why! All this shit this year. We don't deserve this. Sabotaging Watch_Dogs for PC, lying about piracy statistics , the Unity turnbuckle  and of course going full EA with their Uplay. Once again the Great Prophet got it months before it happened. All that shit for what? Overhyped WD , broken AC5 or (the apparently) good Far Cry 4? I am seeing it now, Uplay will be overpriced and full of bugs. You know,writing this paragraph is suprisingly easy because I don't need to explain myself. Every gamer gets angry at what I am saying. You already agree with me. Fuck Ubisoft.

 Lastly I guess my game of the year game, even thought it's a game from last year:Legend of Zelda Link Between Worlds. I am absolutelly astonished I actually had to say those words, more than once, in public. I don't like LoZ games. Why is a story for another time or even never to say the truth.But why I loved this one is simple to explain. It is fun, the story is good, most of the dungeons are very fun to explore and there is little to no downtime between them. And most importantly the new mechanic: walking in walls. No that wasn't a typo. I mean inside walls. During the first  dungeon Link gets the ability to merge in walls. This completely changes the way you see the world and tackle puzzles. It is one good mechanic that is done incredibly well thoughtout the game , with puzzles designed with that in mind. And here is the key: When I said that to Metax he answered among the lines " OH like Portal!." That was when it hit me. It is like Portal, and I LOVE PORTAL.Don't get me wrong I am not saying that this game is only good thanks to that. I mean it has combat which Portal lacks, and the story is very good but Portal has that . I love it. There was quite a lot of time since I was as happy to play a game.

 So that is it. This year was good year in my book.Sure it had some shit in it, but I had fun. But let's face it. 2014 is nothing compared to 2015. In the first two months alone we are getting instand classics like Funk of Titans, an extremely accurate represantation of Greek mythology and very good looking gameplay. I don't even want to throw up now.