Darthleon is excited for Ultima Lucha

Since I was a child I have been a on again-off again fan of wrestling. Well I say wrestling, what I mean I have only seen what WWE has been feeding me. Recently I have come back to it, but things are not the same as it were 2 years ago. The Reality era (or PG-13 era) is a far cry from  the Universe era. In those two years the two big belts became one, the streak died, CM Punk (my then favourite alive WWE superstar) left and HHH and Kane decided that the world of stock market is more interesting than the world where you beat people in front of a live audience. Not everything is worse of course as NXT kicks ass , Dean and Neville are a thing now and Vickie has stopped defiling the Guerrero name. Yet, with Battleground gone and with Summerslam having a negative temperature heat level at the time of writing it is perhaps time for me to mention the hypest event in wrestling at the moment : Lucha Underground's Ultima Lucha.

Firstly I would like to thank Dario Cueto for extending Ultima Lucha to two weeks. I was gonna write this article a week from now but no we  gotta have a spectacular 2 weeks event. Fucking asshole. Well the way I had this article planned was to explain what Ultima Lucha and Lucha Underground are and then go through the event's card. Sounds like a great plan, so strap in for a long article.  A long article where I will be forced to not us any acronyms cause they would be LU and UL and I will fuck up eventually.

What makes Lucha Underground so awesome? Well for starters it goes "Hey, Wrestling is fake so might as well go at 110%". The story goes as follows. Dario has found seven anchient Aztec medallions and he hired a bunch of people to fight over them . What do they do? Originally we thought that whoever owned the 7 dragonballs medallions would be given literal mortality. That was an awesome premise ; the supernatural element actually made the story more believable.However , in the last episode Mr Cueto explained what they do. The seven Chaos Emeralds medallions are part of a belt named the Gift of the Gods. The luchadors fight for ownership and once all seven lights medallions are in the belt a match for it is set with all the owners in it. The belt essentially works like the Money in the Bank contract. You can cash it in for a title shot for the Championship belt.  Unlike the MiTB thought you have to give a week's notice, you can't just cash it in whenever (Cueto explained that he likes to promote his matches and even made joke about it) and you have to defend the Gift of the Gods like a normal belt. Once the shot has been used the seven medallions are taken back and people can fight for them again. So now that the medallions are no longer magic the show is less fun right? OF COURSE FUCKING NOT! They changed the wrestling dynamic greatly with a very fun and creative way. And the medallion dynamic is still there so people will get to fight over them just as much, so everyone gets to be story important.

  But this is just one of things that make Lucha Underground. For starters ,High-flyers. I always liked  them cause they they are so cool . It's not like I dislike powerhouses. But high-flyers are so awesome. So as you can tell a roster of 90% awesome wrestling astronauts is really my cup of team. Sure there are some big guys, and to say the truth they are necessary and bring an awesome fight every time. Secondly,they embrace the fake. "Yeah darth you told us-" NO! You know how WWE on the one hand tryes to showcase nice believable normal characters that undergo personal change like every human and on the other hand it is showing us that cool Necromancer from the depths of hell who has died like 20 times and has an awkward Harley phase a while back? Well , Lucha Underground also has a Necromancer who is controlled by a magic stone and has some zombie guys as his minions, there is a guy that is a dragon, tiger people and Chavo Guerrero is a Mexican mafioso/gangster . Yeah sure it has some normal people. WHO FIGHT DRAGONS AND ZOMBIES FOR MAGIC MEDALLIONS! The setting also helps all this to be more believable. The arena is a temple, we are believers (and apparently we are allowed to partake in the rituals we see but you know, wrestling) and in the middle of the ring there is a mystical seal. Mill Muertes (the necromancer above) has , in hard matches, actually used the seal to recharge. The wrestlers themselves are of course amazing.Relentless violence and universe era WWE fans will recognise mistreated talents like Chavo Guerrero (who is also a producer of the show) , John Morrison (now Jonny Mundo) , Alberto del Rio ( now Alberto el Patron) and Ezekiel Jackson. Hernandez was apparently in WWE as well but I missed him. But the best part of Lucha Underground creative is that they treat the WHOLE roster like fighters. Luchadores and little people included. They get to fight normally for the coins, the gift of the god and the title. Because guess what, they are actual fighters, not just pretty models (thought to be fair they are pretty, even thought I am crushing over the one female who's face is hidden by a mask) and joke pets for joke tag teams. Lastly, they fucking know how to build up heat. For example, the last couple of weeks , with Ultima Lucha on the way,ALL matches where no-DQ and no Ring out. Not like fucking WWE who has lukewarm matches the fucking week of fucking Wrestlemania .

If I had to complain about something I would really have to nitpick. For example,every episode starts with our two announcers trying to explain the card while a small time band plays buttrock to a very excited crowd. Also, since this is a bilingual show , many crowd chants are in Spanish and I don't know what they are talking about. But the crowd is awesome, are always excited as heck, and they don't chant "We want Lana" in Rusev's most important match or scream "WHAT?" every time a heel dares speak. Oh and Lucha Underground should really invest in worse tables. Many a times the held up when they should break.

Now let's take a look at the card.

The Mack vs The Machine (aka Cage) Falls Count Anywhere

Eh. Clearly a warm-up match. These guys were sorta fighting last episode and they got out of hand so they got a match. They are among the biggest wrestlers in the company so yeah whatever. Who is gonna win? Don't know, don't care.

Johnny Mundo vs Alberto el Patron

Those guys were friends and a formidable  team till Mundo thew Alberto through a window. They broke up and Alberto was set for revenge. The match has a lot of heat on in, especially when you consider that Mundo and el Patron are the face and the heel of the same coin. Two incredibly talented technical wrestlers fighting for legacy. Who will win? Well I am on Mundo's side but I expect Alberto to win. There is nothing on the line on this match and in big events like this the face wins.

7 People Match with Bengala , King Cuerno, Sexy Star, Big Ryck,Jack Evans, Fenix and Aerostar for the Gift of the Gods

Woo boy.  I am on Sexy Star's side even thought I know her chances are slim. But who will win?Good question. Do they want to give it to a heel or a face? Big Ryck is the only one who got in without a fight and he is Cueto's man in the match. Chances are good. On the other hand Fenix won two matches for his entrance, one of which was a Battle Royal last week, after Cueto took his medallion for being out of fights because Mill Muertes rekt him. I do have the feeling he will get it. You will see why in a later prediction.

Texano vs Blue Demon jr

Members of two long feuding families, Texano and Blue Demon both consider themselves Mexico's main guy. Blue Demon however has been teased over and over on how he has been overtaken by Texano , mainly because he was out for a while. So he snapped and , with the help of Chavo's familia he attacked Texano behind his back. Who will win? That is a close one. I think Blue Demon, because he needs some heat now.

Son of Havoc, Ivelisse and Angélico (ch) vs the Disciples of Death for the Trios Championship

That match was scheduled last second cause they realized that the champs had none to fight. But the Disciples of Death? These are the zombies Mill Muertes controls and they don't even have names. Who will win? I mean, come on. The Disciples of Death? Can they even hold the belts? Are we sure they are the same guys every time? Yeah the champs win.

Drago vs Hernadez in a Believer's Backlash Match

Drago was the no.1 contender for the main belt but Katrina almost killed Cueto to get Mill Muertez a fight with him. But before the match Hernadez came and almost killed Drago with a leather belt around the neck. Drago fought the match but got rekt. So now the temple's believers are given leather straps and have the green light to hurt anyone out of the ring. But watch out, Hernadez might fight back. Who will win? Drago . Or no contest with Hernadez becoming a nice red stain by the ring. I would be happier with the latter result.

Vampiro vs Pentagon jr in a Cero Miedo match (Anything Goes)

Vampiro is an ex wrestler who is now on the commentary table along with Matt Striker. On the other hand Pentagon is a luchador who fights for a dark master that need a sacrifice to return. And that sacrifice is Vampiro. Vampiro was reluctant at first, which was a great contrast with Pentagon's gimmick of Zero Fear. But after Pentagon almost light him on fire, Vampiro decided to come out retirement for one final match. Who will win? I don't think they would bring Vampiro back for him to lose to a midcarder.

Prince Puma (ch) vs Mill Muertes for the Lucha Underground Championship

The big one boys. Prince Puma has gone thought a lot the last couple of weeks. He was almost destroyed by Chavo Guerrero and his familia in an unsanctioned match for the belt, hurt and beat by Mill Muertes and had his mentor kidnapped by the Disciples right in front of his eyes. Yet he is still willing to bring it against Mill Muertes, the man of 1000 deaths. Mill Muertes is a beast. He took out Fenix for a long time, destroyed Drago, rekt Son of Havoc and is pretty much the scariest wrestler in the roster. He is also riding a ton of heat to this match. So who will win? Mill Muertez. He already beat Puma once and he is ready enough to do it again. That is why I also feel that Fenix will take the Gift. They have history together and you have the classic face vs heel dynamic with Fenix needing just one moment of weakness. So get ready, cause in two weeks The Reign of Death begins.


CLEAR SPOILERS FROM HERE ON OUT!

Post 1st show update: Mack vs Cage kicked off the first day like a mofo. They were awesome and the crowd was ecstatic. Chairs,stop signs,tables.At a point Mack opened two beers ,drank a bit and did a stunner on Cage, clear Steve Austin reference. Cage took it after driving Mack's head through a cinder-block . They did an amazing job and the people are fucking standing.Which of course means that we have to be upset next. The trios championship changes hands. Team Havoc gave their best, but it was 4v2.5 for them, Ivelisse was hurt in the leg, something that D.o.D. tried to use. Ivelisse did not tap out which gave her partners the chance to destroy the Disciples(now we new masks btw). Katrina however got Ivelisse with the magic stone that controls the Disciples and they pinned her for the win.The night ends on a high note though.It's Believer's Backlash! Unsurprisingly the believers didn't touch Drago. Hernadez on the other side got destroyed. Believer were on him from minute 1. He had to deal with them, a super talented luchador, Drago's mist,tables, everything. At a point he had to go under the ring to escape the believers. That gave Drago time to get some nun-chucks which he used. 2 minutes later Drago flew from the corner for the win.

Post 2nd Show update: The night starts of with Mundo vs El Patron. Mundo uses anything he can to bring Alberto on his level, including dust under the ring. The match goes for a while and is a great match. Alberto does an armbar, Mundo escapes , Mundo his his finisher , Alberto kicks out. Then Alberto goes for his finisher but Mundo pulls the ref and the ref gets kicked. In a second Alberto goes for another armbar to which Mundo taps but the ref is out. Mundo escapes but Aberto catches him again and does an armbar while hanging from the ropes. Then Melina (from MNM in WWE) debuts in Lucha Underground and hits Alberto across the head with his AAA Mega champion belt, Mundo hits his finisher and he gets the pin from a groggy ref. Great match to start the night once again and the crowd is on fire. El Patron then gets up , throws Mundo  on some chairs and through a window and spanks an attacking Melina. This might be a double turn. Next is the Cero Miedo match, which actually made me kinda thankful for the PG era of WWE. Hey kids do you want to see a 50 year old retired man brutalized by a man in his prime? Well good. Vampiro walks in dressed like a zombie Pope...And then Pentagon almost kills him and they get a stretcher. Vampiro gets up and throws a bunch of thumbtacks and both wrestlers throw each other on them... Then Pentagon hits Vampiro with a mercury light bulb  and drinks some of Vampiro's blood... After Vampiro gets the momentum on his side he brings up a table and lights it on fire but he gets thrown through it and gets pinned. After the match he asks for his arm to be broken , to which Pentagon complies. And then Vampiro reveals that he is Pentagon's master. So yeah. The Gift of the Gods is up next. To avoid writing for the next 20 days Big Ryck starts throwing people around, everyone attacks him, people put an awesome show, The Moth interferes to attack Sexy Star but gets rekt, Daivari interferes to chair Big Ryck, Evans and Fenix have an awesome showing for 2 mins which results with Fenix pinning Evans for the Gift and Darthleon lets a sigh of relief because finally one of his predictions came true. Blue Demon Vs Texano follows, which is the softest match in the event as it is 5 minutes long. Texano dominates the match until Chavo's team ,who has been following Demon for a while, attack Texano. Chavo also comes  in with a chair, but instead of attacking Demon with which he had a feud for a while, he attacks Texano and gives the chair to Demon. Demon attacks Texano some more and gets the pin. Easily the weakest match in the whole event.And last but most certainly not least, The Lucha Underground Championship match. A wonderful match spanning almost 30 minutes. It was amazeballs that is all I can say. At a point Puma almost hits Katrina but apologizes and then uses Katrina as a weapon against Muertes. After a long fight Puma hits his finisher and Muertes kicks out, and Muertes hits his finisher and Puma kicks out, things that happened for the first time. Muertes spears Puma through a table but Puma tries to hit his finisher one more time. Muertes however is fast enough and hits his from the top rope for the win. The Age of Death has begun. After the credits we she a small sample of what is coming to our luchadors , with the main theme of them , including Cueto, escaping the temple.